


Taking Love

by shitty4eyes



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fate & Destiny, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-17 12:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11851476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitty4eyes/pseuds/shitty4eyes
Summary: Some things take love, and some things take time, because sometimes Fate has a plan for you, but Fate is really, really bad at planning.---“It doesn’t help to think like this, you know. Closing yourself off in preparation for pain, it just blocks out everything else, too.”“What?” Kihyun scoffed, biting down hard onto his lip as he focused on his camera and the view in front of him, ignoring the intangible pull of the boy next to him. “Like love?”Changkyun winced. “God, do you have to say it like that?”“Like what?”“Like even the notion is an inconvenience to you.”





	1. Chapter 1

It was their second party of the night, and it ought to have been completely unextraordinary.

In a way, it was. The stars shone no brighter; the weight of the world didn't immediately melt off his shoulders; he didn't fall in love; he didn't save the world. It was a catalyst. Not for Greater Things, perhaps, but important in an irrevocable sort of way. Changkyun often wondered what would have happened if they'd met any differently. If then, perhaps, things could have been different, and if he ever really wanted anything to be different. It was, the night and most things that came with it was, in irrefutable fact, a complete disaster, but most importantly, it was the start of a turning point in the life of Im Changkyun, and, if he were to be really honest with himself, he barely remembered any of it.

It all came down to a decision, all of which could be traced back to sitting next to Jooheon in his first ever lecture, but that wasn't exactly a decision (it was the only available seat, after all). Lee Jooheon, having decided a month or two after their initial meeting, with Changkyun deciding to go along, had dragged him and Lee Hoseok (better known as Wonho) to a twenty first birthday party earlier that night. Jooheon had made a pretty solid case for it, too; words filled with promises of potential Student Life memories and booze, only to steal most of the food there and get moderately tipsy. Enough so to think that ditching that particular party and going to a club was The Best Idea ever, so here they were.

_Decisions, decisions, decisions._

There were too many people. Changkyun couldn’t hear anything over the repetitive club music, so loud that he could almost _feel_ him ruin his chances of hearing anything at the age of fifty. The floor was dirty with spilled drinks, and the skirts too short and the boys too eager, but most of all, it was obvious that Jooheon really, really wanted him to drink this shot of tequila.

“I don’t wanna,” Changkyun pouted, and so did Jooheon. Unfortunately Changkyun was at a bit of a disadvantage, as Jooheon also made his eyes all _big_ (honestly, how did he _do that_ ) and Changkyun was a weak, weak man. A weak, weak man, who ended up drinking at least three of the things he didn’t remotely want entering his body in the first place.

After three shots of tequila, some brandy, what must have been wine, and a very pink drink he would totally order again if he could remember what the damn thing was called, Changkyun didn’t seem to care much anymore about what Jooheon asked him to do or drink anymore.

“Oh, my _God, it’s you_!” Wonho ( _where the frackadoodle had he come from?_ ) suddenly screeched from next to him. Changkyun, having a bit of a delayed reaction to the outburst, only jumped when the elusive ‘you’ was dragged along by his mildly intoxicated, usually very shy but now totally inhibited, friend.

“Changkyun!” Wonho screamed excitedly over the bass drop. “Kyunnie, this is Hyunwoo! He’s a _DJ, Daniel._ ”

 _“Daaaaaamn,”_ Changkyun replied in a higher octave than necessary, eyes widening. “So you’re playing this song, _right now?_ ”

“Uhm. No?” The tall, muscled man Wonho had introduced as Hyunwoo laughed, only looking slightly concerned about Changkyun's mental state.

Changkyun, in turn, nodded and blinked languidly. “Right, you’re stando-standing right here, why would you be—“ Changkyun giggled. “Fucking good, too, this song _sucks_.”

Changkyun looked back to them, Hyunwoo looking highly amused and Wonho reminiscent of a hyper puppy. Wonho hung off Hyunwoo’s arm, grinning widely.

“Did you come alone?”

Hyunwoo shook his head, to which Wonho screeched; “Minhyukkie?!”

Changkyun didn’t know what a Minhyukkie was, but that woman behind them was wearing a really very shiny dress. Really, quite shiny.

Hyunwoo nodded, unperturbed by Changkyun seemingly losing all interest in their conversation. “Kihyun, too.”

“NO! Really?” Wonho giggled. “Oh, my god, how?! Did you threaten his kitchen appliances or something?”

"Nah, he said we'd all get ourselves killed if he didn't come along," Hyunwoo smiled, looking somewhat smug.

"Typical."

Changkyun blinked and turned his attention ( _so shiny_ ) back to the two.

“Hyunwoo, what’s a 'Minhyukkie'?” Changkyun asked. At which Wonho detached himself from Hyunwoo’s arm (after biting it? How drunk was he?) and hopped over to Changkyun.

“You’ve got to meet him! Kihyun, too. _If_ we can find him, that is,” Wonho laughed, and so did Changkyun even though he was pretty sure he didn’t get the joke. Changkyun watched as the two boys exchanged a few more words (“Words are so weird, man,” Changkyun mumbled to himself, wondering when this club had installed spinning floors. “They’re just _sounds_. Is a fart a word?”) before Wonho dragged him across the spinning floor to where a lot of people were dancing.

“Overpopulation is a growing world issue, y'know,” Changkyun yelled (a necessity) after a moment of being dragged along, as he had just brushed at least five butts with his own butt on the way to the middle of the crowd and wasn't too happy about it. “It’s like 14 billion cheeks, man.”

“Butt or face?” a blonde boy with a bright smile and skin covered in glitter (Changkyun squinted. Did he sweat glitter?) asked him.

“Both!" Changkyun replied over the loud music. "Are you a Minhyukkie?”

“I am!” he squealed over the still shitty music, before jumping at Wonho, arms open wide.

“Wonho! Oh, my _God_ , it’s been ages, dance with me!”

Wonho gladly complied, laughing as he pulled Minhyuk onto a table and Changkyun wondered idly if those kind of hip movements were technically legal in public. Feeling moderately dirty watching his friend do what can only be half a strip show and wave his shirt around, Changkyun wandered around the crowd of sweaty, moving bodies. The strobe lights flashing barely allowed for any sort of sight, never mind trying to actually find any of his friends, so Changkyun decided that you know what, _fuck it, I am shitfaced and in the middle of a dance floor with no chance of escape, I am going to dance._

He tried, he really did.

Very quickly, a dance circle formed.

Not at _all_ because the boy was impressive in the way he moved his body about, more that it was absolutely hilarious to watch. Changkyun had started to dance and had quickly realized that he didn’t know what the hell he was doing and had therefore decided that he might as well roll with it, because he liked making people laugh and if his body spasms could do that, then so be it.

Someone—he was about ninety three percent sure it was Jooheon—had joined him, and soon enough, everyone was trying to outdo the other in whatever weird dance they could think of. A pink-haired boy had entered the circle at some point. Said boy might have been pushed in but that was besides the point, because after turning a really impressive shade or red, he whipped out the absolute best robot dance Changkyun had _ever_ seen.  Changkyun’s attempt to copy him had left both of them in stitches, the other boy seemingly falling on himself in laughter. Changkyun did his best to catch him, but tripped, and they both went down laughing. Changkyun wiped the tears from his eyes, untangling himself to get a better look at him, but the boy was gone.

Changkyun wasn't exactly sure _why_ this fact upset him.

“Dude, you’re fucking trashed,” Jooheon laughed in his ear suddenly, picking him up from the floor and steering him out of the mesh of people and to the outside. It was cool, but not freezing, and the stars were really close.

"No, those are fairylights,” Jooheon answered what Changkyun hadn't realized he'd actually voiced. He lead Changkyun over to one of the low walls by the entrance arch, fairylights strung across the line of trees that separated the outside of the club from the street, rose bushes at their barks. Changkyun kept staring at the fairylights.

“They’re too close," Changkyun pointed out as he was sat down. "We’re all going to burn to death, Jooheon.”

Jooheon paused, buttoning up Changkyun's shirt. When had that happened. “You’re a very interesting drunk, do you know that?”

Changkyun’s eyes widened, turning to Jooheon as he leaned forwards. “I’m drunk?”

“Yeeees," Jooheon said, deliberately slow. "And I’m pretty sure you used your jacket for your dance as a Matador of the Shitfaced, so I’m going to go try find that for you, okay?”

“No bulls were hurt in the dancing of this--” Changkyun swayed, tipped backwards, Jooheon tipped him back again, leaning him against the archway. “--Was I dancing, just now?”

“Have you never drunk before? Holy shit,” Jooheon ran a hand through his short, dark red hair, looking amused but also appropriately worried for his best friend, before snapping his snapback back in place, looking determined. “Don’t move, okay?”

Changkyun groaned, squinting at his best friend as he leaned against the wall. “Can’t just one of you go?”

Jooheon laughed and patted him on the shoulder with a “Be right back, buddy,” before disappearing back into the club.

Changkyun stared at the entrance to the club. It kept moving. The doors wouldn’t stay shut and they made a lot of noise when they opened, like there was a really loud dog that barked shitty electronic music every time you pet it. Or something.

The doors opened again and _oh my god_.

Changkyun stood up, pointed directly at the Pink-Haired Robot Dance Boy and yelled _“Hamster!”_ , before losing his balance and promptly falling backwards over the small wall and into a rose bush. Or two.

“Ow,” Changkyun said matter-of-factly from his new spot in the rose bush. He was resolutely not moving. Moving was bad.

After a moment, the pink haired boy was suddenly much closer, his face an odd combination of scolding and amusement as he, in the prettiest voice Changkyun had ever heard, yelled at him reprimandly. “I'm not a-- What the hell were you thinking?!”

Changkyun reached out pathetically, making grabby hands into the air. “Help me, hyung, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

“Oh, for the love of...” Pink-Haired Boy groaned before grabbing hold of an arm and helping Changkyun out of the bush and back to his spot on the low wall. He was grumbling softly to himself as he picked thorns off Changkyun's clothes.

Changkyun blinked at him. “My hero.”

The boy frowned, “How much have you had to drink, kid?”

Changkyun thought about it. “Many.”

“You’ve had many to drink? How much is many?”

“Just like,” he waved his hand around. “A bunch. Now sit _down_ ,” Changkyun yanked on the boy’s arm, who startled a bit before his butt hit the wall. “There we go. Much better.”

“You can’t just yank people--!”

“Shhh,” Changkyun said, putting his finger to his own lips and talking around them. “You’re going to scare the stars away.” He used the same finger to point up at the fairylights in the trees. The other boy let out a laugh despite himself, trying to hide it behind his hand.

“That’s so nice," Changkyun said and the boy immediately stopped. "No! You should laugh, it’s really nice,” Changkyun mumbled, leaning against the archway again, facing the other boy. "Pretty laugh. Pretty face."

“I, er,” the pink of hair now matched his cheeks, though he seemed to make a point not to look at Changkyun. “Shut up."

"Will falling into the rose bush make you laugh again?"

"What, no--stop _leaning_ , oh my _god_." The boy kept a hand on the swaying boy's arm. Just in case. He looked around, a soft frown on his delicate features. Changkyun wondered when frowning was ever so _preeeetty~_.

"Did you come here alone?” the boy asked him.

“Down boy,” Changkyun winked.

“No!” he quickly defended as Changkyun giggled. “I just don’t want you to wake up here tomorrow morning in a rose bush, for fucks’s sake...”

“Nah, m’good. My friend’s looking for my… shoes. Or my jacket. Something about a bull, I think,” Changkyun said, squinting at the other boy. “I _have_ a name, by the way.”

The boy laughed. “Wow, what a coincidence, so do I.”

“Ah, cool. Do you know yours? Cos I can’t find mine,” Changkyun said, a truly worried frown on his face. The boy laughed at him, shaking his head.

Changkyun smiled. His laugh really was very nice, but then he didn't stop laughing and it was just _rude_. Changkyun kicked him lightly, pouting. “Hey, it’s not funny! Maybe that’s what my friend went to get.”

The boy's laughter trickled into a chuckle, running a hand through his hair. “God, why did I sign up for designated driver.” He looked at Changkyun, who looked back at him like he’d just spoken French. “It's Kihyun, by the way.”

"What is?"

"Me."

“Aaaah, Kihyun… Kihyun, Kihyung, Kyung? Kihyunnie, Kyun, Kyun. That sounds familiar. Yes!" Changkyun sat up excitedly, Kihyun having to steady him on the wall again. "Changkyun! I’m Changkyun! Tha’s me.”

Kihyun looked at him, amusement still adamantly tugging at his lips. “Well, I’m glad you got that sorted out.”

“Oh, thank God, you’re still alive,” Wonho's voice came from his left, walking up to the two of them, out of breath and forehead covered in sweat, a jacket in his hand. “Oh, Kihyun." Wonho blinked and tilted his head inquisitively. "Hyunwoo said you were here but I thought he was joking.”

Kihyun rolled his eyes so hard Changkyun felt a bit dizzy. Kihyun steadied him again as he spoke. “I’m not a complete stick in the mud, you know.”

“You do have one up your ass, though,” Wonho said, yet smiling innocently. Kihyun opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, and settled on frowning unhappily.

Changkyun poked Kihyun's forehead, more specifically the space between his eyebrows. Kihyun jumped, turning his now wide eyes to Changkyun, who squinted in concentration and poked it again. Kihyun frowned.

"What the hell--"

“The lines are angry, shhh.”

“Wonho,” Kihyun said, voice calm, now squinted eyes remaining steady on the clearly very drunk younger boy. “Wonho, he’s touching my face.”

“I can see that, Kihyun.”

“Why is he doing that?”

“I’m _trying_ \--” Chankyun stressed, rubbing at Kihyun’s forehead much to the latter's chargrin. “--To get the angry lines to go away. Oh, that’s better. All gone!” Kihyun had simply relaxed his face. At the kid’s amused expression, Kihyun raised his eyebrow, but was quickly reprimanded. “Oh, no, no, they’re back!”

Wonho hid his face behind his hand as he laughed. “Oh, my god, Jooheon’s gonna hate missing out on this shit.”

“Pretty,” Changkyun mumbled, patting Kihyun’s cheeks, who came to his senses and patted his hands away after a second of _that nonsense_. “Noooo, hyung,” Changkyun complained. “The stars are in your eyes, hyung.”

Wonho made a choked noise, Jooheon appearing at his shoulder with a curious, “And what is this?”

“S-stars?” Kihyun choked.

“Mhm!” Changkyun nodded fervently. “You saved us! Does it hurt having all the stars in your eyes? It’s very pretty.”

“I’ve literally never seen Kihyun blush this much,” Wonho whispered to Jooheon as Kihyun sat, frozen.

“Oh, my god,” Jooheon said, evenly. “This is the best day of my life.”

“What’s this about stars?” Wonho chuckled despite himself.

“He means, uhm,” Kihyun said, swallowing thickly as Changkyun was still very intently looking to his eyes and Kihyun didn't know _how to handle it_ , “The f-fairylights. I think.”

“S’okay, Kihyunnie,” Changkyun said, smiling sweetly, dimples on his cheeks. “Don’t worry, I’ll take ‘em.”

“Take the—“ Kihyun’s question was cut short by his heart jumping right up into his throat at the sudden fear that Changkyun was going to kiss him. He didn’t. Changkyun had put his hand on the back of Kihyun’s head, leaned forward, and with surprising gentleness for a trashed human being, put their foreheads together, eyes not straying from the other boy's.

Wonho and Jooheon were uncharacteristically quiet.

“There!” Changkyun said suddenly, still smiling, bright and unabashed. “Better?”

Kihyun was very proud of himself for being able to rationalize the fact that the light of the fairylights were blocked out by their heads, therefore there wouldn’t be any more of them in his eyes, and that was what this crazy boy was going on about, in his fucking Kiss Zone.

“Yep,” Kihyun said, voice not nearly as steady as he would have liked. “You’ve got all of them, now. W-Well done.”

“Okay, good,” Changkyun breathed in relief. “I think I’m gonna kill them.”

“Wha—“

Changkyun closed his eyes, leaned sideways and forwards, onto Kihyun’s shoulder, where he seemingly fell asleep within a split second, held up only by Kihyun's arms instinctively coming up around him.

“Oh, my God,” Wonho said.

“Oh, my _God_ ,” Jooheon laughed.

“Yeah,” Kihyun said around a suddenly very dry tongue. “What you guys just said.”

“Changkyun’s _never_ this touchy,” Jooheon marveled, eyes wide as he watched his best friend's slack features on Kihyun's shoulder.

“Kihyun’s never this touched,” Wonho added, matter-of-factly.

Kihyun did the effort to glare at Wonho, trying his best not to move too much for the softly snoring boy on his shoulder. Keeping him up was difficult enough, Kihyun trying his best not to crumble under the dead weight. His stomach muscles were screaming. “Er, guys, a little help—“

“Right, yeah, sorry,” Wonho said, laughing a little before turning and squatting down to allow the boy to be maneuvered onto his back. Jooheon and Kihyun managed to get Changkyun onto Wonho’s back with all the effort of moving a sack of potatoes, Kihyun insisting the pinkness of his cheeks was the cold's fault.

“Will you manage?”

“Yeah, hyung, no worries,” Jooheon said, dimples showing in a sincere smile.

Wonho shifted Changkyun's weight on his back. “You’ll make sure Minhyuk doesn’t start an impromptu parade or something, yeah?”

“Honestly, I'll try, but he’s unstoppable,” Kihyun said, running a hand through his hair. “But yeah, I’ll be fine. Just, er,” Kihyun gestured to the lump of Changkyun currently drooling on one of Wonho’s favourite shirts. “Take care--Yeah.”

Wonho rolled his eyes, smiling at the shorter boy. “We’ll make sure to introduce you to when he’s _not_ completely shit-faced, okay?”

Kihyun nodded weakly and watched as they made their way to Wonho’s car. When the car passed from view, he allowed a long breath to escape his lips.

_What the hell was that?_

True to his word, Kihyun stayed at the club and kept Minhyuk in his peripheral as he blended into the grafitti'd walls of the club. His phone vibrated in his pocket and he squinted at it.

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 02:35, Sept 3**

he woke up a bit but he's still completely shitfaced

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 02:36, Sept 3**

he wanted you to have that???

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 02:36, Sept 3**

I think he's singing pineapple pen something? (≧∇≦*)

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 02:36, Sept 3**

but he’ll pass out once his head hits a pillow, I'm sure of it lol

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 02:37, Sept 3**

Good to know.

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 02:37, Sept 3**

thanks for taking care of him, Kihyun

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 02:38, Sept 3**

Right.

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 02:38, Sept 3**

I mean, yeah, no problem.

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 03:05, Sept 3**

he's in bed but he's rambling lol any idea what he’s talking about?

He’s asking for a cotton candy robot

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 03:08, Sept 3**

...No idea.

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 03:08, Sept 3**

why do I feel lied to

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 03:10, Sept 3**

no time to explain minhyuk's twerking I gotta get him into a cab or some shit

**From: Lee Hoseok**

****Sent: 03:11, Sept 3** **

lord have mercy


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warning for allusions and inferences to abuse and alcoholism

Kihyun checked his phone before he locked the door behind him.

_03:16, 3 September 2017_

He let out a deep breath and turned the light on.

 _The hallway is too white_ , Kihyun thought, and not for the first time.

And it was. It was too _clinical_. Too purposefully soothing to the point of purposefully inducing hysteria. He'd attempted keeping house plants in an attempt to cheer the place up, but they all inevitably died and ironically just made the place look more depressing. He remembered actually _choosing_ this colour, in a shop in years past and how he couldn't differentiate between 'Egghell' and 'Vanilla Sky' or something equally pretentious sounding. His mother had laughed, held it up to his face and said it was 'Kihyun Pale'. She wanted minimalistic. With her gone, white just felt like a void.

It was that train of thought that, if unknown to some outsider or third party, made it look as though Kihyun was simply frowning at a wall and a dead fern. His father, of course, did not have this insight into his son's mind, even if he wasn’t currently passed out on the couch, but his mother would have said something witty or clever.

Soft snoring sounds let Kihyun's mind wander from the inadequacies of their interior decorating, and looking into the small living room, he could see a big bundle of person and blanket and, of course, frowned at that, too.

He was pretty sure that if he approached the bundle, it would smell like beer and cigarettes. He scrunched up his nose.

No, actually, even from here it smelled like beer and cigarettes.

He tried not to sigh. He gathered up the empty bottles and discarded ashtrays and put the bottles in the pantry to be exchanged for even cheaper beer ( _oh, the economy_ ) and threw away what he could only guess was a dozen's worth of ash into the bin.

There was a way off grunting.

Kihyun immediately reached for something to--no, it was fine. He wouldn’t, surely not now.

The water flowing from the tap must have woken his father up. He trudged into the kitchen as Kihyun had turned to the sink and was busy rinsing the dishes, scraping cold spaghetti off the plate with a fork. Kihyun’s dad was frowning like the kitchen light was of the same wattage as the sun. Some red canned food had decorated his colourless t-shirt in lackadaisical splotches and when he looked down to it, he seemed to be actually surprised at its presence.

"Morning," he mumbled soon enough.

"It’s three in the morning," Kihyun answered evenly.

"Oh." He blinked, looking to the window.

"It's fine, Dad, just go to bed. You know what that couch is doing to your back."

"Damn my back."

Kihyun put water into a bowl to let the hardened food soak and turned to him, leaning against the counter.

 _He looked so pathetic_ , Kihyun thought. _Like a woodland creature nearing its end._

His father was inspecting the limited contents of the fridge "Where'd the beer go?"

"You drank it, I'm guessing."

"What, all of it?"

"I know, I'm so proud."

 _Animals lash out before they die_ , Kihyun reminded himself, standing up straighter, biting down onto his lip and watching his father carefully.

His father leered. "And what have you been doing?"

He gestured with his head towards the plastic bag on the counter. It was pathetically lacking.

"Is that it?" His father scoffed, looking in the bag at the limited groceries and throwing it off the table. “What’s the fucking use of that…”

"It's all I could get, okay?" Kihyun snapped. "The fact that we have flowing water isn't good enough for you, then?”

“That’s what I get for having a son like you,” his father stated, the way one would comment on a shoe lying by the side of the road. “Useless.”

Kihyun really should be used to that odd feeling that always bubbled up inside his stomach whenever this happened. Anger, regret, the desperate need to get away. Instead, he did what he always did. He kept his mouth shut, he made himself as small as possible, kept himself busy, and said nothing.

Kihyun’s father moved about the kitchen unbothered as Kihyun cleaned, looking for God knows what, before dragging himself up the stairs. Kihyun waited to hear the bedroom door slam shut before he let out a long breath, and refused to cry.

He knew, that as hard as he tried, his father would never forgive him for what he chose, and what he never really had any choice about in the first place.

 

**\---**

 

**From: Yoo Kihyun**

**Sent: 03:36, Sept 3**

don’t scream if you see me on the couch  
when you wake up

**From: Yoo Kihyun**

**Sent: 03:36, Sept 3**

just need somewhere to crash

**From: Son Hyunwoo  
Sent: 03:37, Sept 3 **

you’re always welcome, Kihyun

**From: Son Hyunwoo  
Sent: 03:38, Sept 3 **

did he do anything?

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 03:39, Sept 3**

no

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 03:39, Sept 3**

go to sleep, I should be gone before you wake up, I have a photoshoot with Hyungwon

**From: Son Hyunwoo  
Sent: 03:40, Sept 3 **

you know we’re here for you, right?

**From: Son Hyunwoo  
Sent: 03:45, Sept 3 **

Kihyun?

 

\---

 

Changkyun woke up not wanting to wake up at all.

His mouth tasted like what he could only assume was death itself. His curtains were too thin and his eyelids felt like sandpaper against his delicate, gentle eyeballs that didn’t deserve this kind of abuse. Through squinted eyes, Changkyun could just about make out the fact that this was _not_ his bedroom. His neck was stiff from the position he must have passed out in (on a couch, of all things), and sitting up, remembered someone with pink hair, his back cracked as he stretched and he ran a hand through his hair as his eyes flew open in a sudden panic.

_This was not his bedroom._

Changkyun stood up, far too quickly for somebody who wasn’t exactly one with his body at that point, and nearly tripped on the blanket he hadn’t realized was wrapped around him.

“Er, Kyunnie?”

Changkyun spun around at the voice, further entangling himself in the blanket. His shoulders immediately relaxed.

“Oh, Wonho-hyung, it’s you,” Changkyun breathed out in relief, a puff of his hair flying off his forehead as he fell back onto the couch like a content caterpillar.

Wonho lifted an amused eyebrow at the younger boy. He was wearing an apron and holding a tray of what Changkyun would bet good money was ramen. Changkyun looked around, spotting a stirring puff of red hair on the other couch. “What,” Wonho started, putting the tray down on the coffee table. “Disappointed about your choice of one night stand?”

“Immensely,” Changkyun said, very seriously, trying not to laugh as it seriously did turn out to be ramen. Seriously, who eats noodles for breakfast? “I’ll never be able to top you, hyung.”

“There’s an incredibly obvious sex joke in there somewhere,” Jooheon grumbled out of nowhere, the voice seemingly emitting from the mass of blankets on the couch. “But I’m sure I’ll get to the _bottom_ of it.” The wink, although unseen, was highly implied by tone of voice.

“Oh, my God, Jooheon,” Changkyun laughed despite himself. “I have no idea what time it is, but it is too damn early.”

Wonho crossed his legs as he sat down at the coffee table, grabbing a pair of chopsticks and instantly reaching for a bowl of ramen. “Don’t worry, I only have to meet up with the group at one. “

“ _Uuuuuuuuugh_ ,” Jooheon groaned, burying deeper into his blankets. “Just let me wither and die.”

Wonho rolled his eyes. “You barely drank last night, Jooheon. Besides, you two made me promise to force you to go to the library today, so shush and eat your ramen. I made it with love.”

“I’m allergic to that, actually,” Changkyun said, slipping off the couch and wiggling his arms out of the blankets to reach for a pair of chopsticks himself.

Jooheon shifted, pulling the blankets over his head like an incredibly big hoodie. “It is _also_ too early for your liiiiies, Kyun.”

“He’s right,” Wonho said around a mouth of noodles. “I’ve seen you watch Goblin.”

“And Scarlet Heart.”

“Oh, the _tears shed_ —“

Changkyun spluttered, putting on a face of mock offense like he wasn’t one of the biggest romantics they’d ever met. “Well, I never.”

Wonho laughed. “Changkyun, you posted a voice clip on the group chat of you crying about Wang Eun for like seven minutes.”

Changkyun pointed an accusatory chopstick at the blonde. “Expose me one more time, hyung, and I will show Hyungwon the video of you crawling four-legged across the fourth story glass bridge at the mall.”

“You’re dead inside, Im Changkyun, always will be.”

“There we go.”

Wonho’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

**\---**

 

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 08:26, Sept 3**

You owe me so much

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 08:27, Sept 3 **

I do??? :o

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 08:28, Sept 3**

Shit, sorry, that was meant for Minhyuk

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 08:28, Sept 3**

I had to get my clothes and car (because no fucking cab wanted him) intensively cleaned because of him

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 08:29, Sept 3 **

…dare I ask…

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 08:29, Sept 3**

Glitter.

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 08:29, Sept 3**

Fucking. Glitter. Everywhere.

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 08:30, Sept 3 **

I’m meeting up with him at one in the library if you wanna whoops his ass irl

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 08:31, Sept 3**

Don’t tempt me.

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 08:31, Sept 3**

I haven’t forgotten the time he actually dropkicked me.

**From: Lee Hoseok  
Sent: 08:31, Sept 3 **

okay but you had that one coming

**From: Yoo Kihyun  
Sent: 08:32, Sept 3**

Blocked.

 

\---

 

“God, fuck, _yeeees_.”

“Changkyun. Please. There are children around.”

“Jooheon, we’re on campus,” Changkyun pointed out, holding his beloved coffee close, inhaling deeply, smiling blissfully. “Fuck me, I love coffee. I feel so alive. Revitalized. At one with the universe. Find me a man like this, dad.”

“You don’t need help finding anyone, Changkyun,” Shownu said around a mouthful of muffin. “And I’m not your dad.”

Changkyun gasped dramatically. “I’m _adopted_?”

“I’d hope so, the way you were flirting with designated mom last night,” Wonho said, leaned against the window of the coffee shop. “Last night? This morning? Whatever.”

Changkyun blinked at him. “I did what now?”

Jooheon lifted an eyebrow, kicking him under the table.

“Why would you—“

“You seriously don’t remember anything?” Jooheon questioned, to which Changkyun looked puzzled, and then immediately horrified.

“Oh, God. What did I do?”

Wonho and Jooheon made eye contact, before bursting out into laughter.

“What is it? What did I do?” Changkyun asked nervously, holding his coffee closer to himself and looking suspiciously like a deer caught in headlights or a child in desperate need of a hug.

So, being the amazing friends that they were, they told him _everything_. Changkyun stared into the caffeinated, dark abyss of his coffee, paling and waiting for the sweet embrace of death’s merciful arms.

“All I can remember is a boy with pink hair, oh _God _,”__ Changkyun said, covering his face with his hand. “Why am I like this.”

“Listen, it was funny as hell,” Jooheon laughed. “I’ve never seen Kihyun so flustered, it was adorable.”

“I’m trash. A disaster. I’m immigrating to America. He probably _hates_ me.”

Wonho rolled his eyes, smiling. “You didn’t deflower him, Changkyun, you just…”

“Said the stars were in his eyes and called him pretty?” Jooheon supplied, very helpfully, around a badly hidden laugh.

“Yes, thank you, Jooheon, because I’d just managed to stop cringing myself to death,” Changkyun groaned, letting his forehead collide painfully with the table. Shownu patted him on the back.

“Oh, and you fell asleep on top of him.”

“Oh, my God.”

 

\---

 

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:45, Sept 3**

hyuuuuung

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:45, Sept 3**

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:45, Sept 3 **

what do you want

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:46, Sept 3**

ily2 <3

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:46, Sept 3**

do you still have those notes from your english lit class last year???

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:47, Sept 3 **

ENGL1601?

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:47, Sept 3 **

Maybe.

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:49, Sept 3**

that exact segment of hell, ye

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:50, Sept 3 **

I’m assuming this wasn’t just a random question and that you actually want these papers from me?

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:51, Sept 3**

…maybe

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:52, Sept 3 **

And what do I get out of this?

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:52, Sept 3**

**  
**

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:52, Sept 3**

how many followers do you have on instagram again?

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:53, Sept 3 **

FINE

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:53, Sept 3 **

I’ll send them with the hamster

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:53, Sept 3**

the post is using using hamsters now???

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:53, Sept 3**

think of the pigeons

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:54, Sept 3 **

No omg Kihyun. He’s going to campus anyway, and I know you’re there with Wonho

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:56, Sept 3**

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:56, Sept 3**

indeed I am???

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:56, Sept 3**

you put a tracker in his ramen WHEN?

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:57, Sept 3 **

how badly do you want these fucking notes, Im Changkyun

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 11:58, Sept 3**

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:59, Sept 3 **

I want an actual cake before I accept any sort of apology

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 11:59, Sept 3 **

but fine

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:00, Sept 3**

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:00, Sept 3 **

omg Chankgyun for the last time, literally nobody gets this joke

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:01, Sept 3**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:01, Sept 3**

there are only memes and those too weak to enjoy them

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:03, Sept 3**

wait, KIHYUN?!

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:03, Sept 3**

omg no they told me what I did you can’t do this to me

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:05, Sept 3**

hyung????

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:07, Sept 3**

omfg plz no

 

\---

 

“I told you,” Hyungwon said, looking over his phone at his friend, falling down onto the leather couch they kept in the campus’ photography studio. “He doesn’t remember you. He knows, but doesn’t actually actively remember you. I think.”

Kihyun scoffed as he sat by his piano, idly practicing to relax after the photoshoot with Hyungwon. The damn diva.

“Why would he have,” Kihyun said, sounding bored and distracted as his fingers played, “He was drunk off his ass.”

Hyungwon threw Kihyun a look so strong the latter could feel it. Kihyun frowned at him, shifting slightly in his seat before turning his attention back to the piano. “What’s that for, anyway? It’s not like I wanted him to.”

“You told me about him at your own volition,” Hyungwon pointed out with a raised eyebrow and retweeting a picture of America’s president squinting at an eclipse. “You didn’t wait for Wonho or Jooheon or whoever to diss on you, you _actually_ told me this, like you _wanted_ me to subtly find out if he remembered you or not.”

“It was interesting!” Kihyun defended, nearly slamming his hands down on the piano keys, “I told you about the tramp that flashed me on the way home last night, too, doesn’t mean I care about whether he flashes me or not.”

“Changkyun flashed you?”

“No!” Kihyun reddened. “That’s not even—what are you—“

“Damn,” Hyungwon laughed as Kihyun splutted. “Did you at least get the tramp’s number, then?”

“I really hate you.”

“Maybe, although I doubt it. Besides, I’m pretty, and you need me,” Hyungwon shrugged, smiling smugly over the phone at Kihyun before posting another one of his selfies on instagram.

“Those are literally not even remotely mutually exclusive. The moment I manage to take a bad picture of you, I’m kicking you out onto the streets.”

“Maybe it’s best you _don’t_ meet Changkyun.”

"Shut up and let me practice."

 

\---

 

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:15, Sept 3 **

how much blackmail do you have on me, exactly

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:16, Sept 3**

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:16, Sept 3**

that would be telling

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:16, Sept 3 **

oh god

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:17, Sept 3**

I have enough. please don’t make me meet him. please.

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:17, Sept 3**

I honestly might die

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:18, Sept 3 **

face your fears, Changkyun

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:20, Sept 3**

“that face you make when your crush touches you”  


**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:20, Sept 3 **

…You win.

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:20, Sept 3 **

This time.

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:24, Sept 3 **

Aren’t you at all curious to meet him?

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:25, Sept 3 **

You made quite the impression.

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:26, Sept 3**

so did the meteor that killed all the dinosaurs, Hyungwon

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:28, Sept 3 **

**From: Chae Hyungwon  
Sent: 12:28, Sept 3 **

Well, if you're sure.

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:30, Sept 3**

...

**From: Im Changkyun  
Sent: 12:30, Sept 3**

so where and when did you say


	3. Chapter 3

Kihyun passed other students, buildings and trees with leaves of brown and orange, earphones in his ears but not playing any music. Kihyun walked, smiled softly to himself, and thought of the weather. It was a calming, thoughtless thing to do, and he used it to occupy his thoughts when he didn’t necessarily want anything occupying them.

People commented on the weather and it was a constant as much as the weather itself _wasn’t_ , because even if it was cold, there would still be someone in a t-shirt, and if it was warm, someone would insist it was cold.

He thought of the weather, and ignored Minhyuk as best he fucking could.

“I know you’re not actually listening to anything,” Minhyuk grumbled from next to him, texting on his phone and swerving incoming foot traffic like he had sensors put in for this very purpose. “ _Definitely_ not listening to me.”

“That’s the point,” Kihyun sang, and Minhyuk looked up, eyes lighting up at some goddamn recognition, but Kihyun just kept humming. Minhyuk deflated and turned back to his phone.

“Like I even want to talk to you, jeez,” Minhyuk grumbled.

“Sorry,” Kihyun said conversationally, taking out an earphone. “Were you saying something?”

Minhyuk blinked at his phone, fingers tensing just slightly and Kihyun smirked. “I was _trying to say—_ ”

Kihyun stopped at the entrance to the library. “Ah, can we pick this up later? I have to take this kid some notes and I said I wouldn’t be late.”

“Why the _hell_ am I even trying to help you, oh my god.”

Kihyun, smirk still firmly in place, shrugged and gave Minhyuk a pat on the shoulder.

“Text me. And pay me back, I had to get my car cleaned cos you made it look like the inside of a homosexual unicorn.

“Okay, firstly, all unicorns _are_ homosexual, they reproduce parthenogenetically, and _secondly_ —”

Kihyun laughed, bewildered. “I had no idea you had such strong opinions on unicorns.”

“Highly marginalised community, that,” Minhyuk deadpanned. “Now are you going to ask this kid out or not.”

“ _That’s_ what you were trying to say?” Kihyun said, with a synchronised eyebrow raise and clear of his throat. “I think I’ll go back to not listening now, thanks.”

“Oh, come on, what’s there to lose?” Minhyuk hummed. “Well, your virginity for one--”

“I’m not--” Kihyun flushed. “I’m _not_ asking him out.”

Minhyuk moved out of the way for a girl wanting to get into the library, reminding Kihyun of where they were. He shook the tension out of his shoulders to not much avail.

“Just give him the papers,” Minhyuk started. “And then a time and a date.”

“No, you see, that’s what _you’d_ do.”

“Works every time.”

Kihyun groaned. “He’s cute and persistent and doesn’t pay attention in English,” Kihyun said, hefting the English notes (highly unnecessary considering it was, at most, twenty pages) from one hip to the other. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to--” Kihyun started, with no idea how to finish whatever thought that was.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.”

“What?”

Minhyuk sighed, clasping a hand onto the shorter’s shoulder. “I don’t know. A lot of what I say is just saying things and hoping it comes together with great understanding and wisdom in whatever context you manage to put it in. A lot like astrology, really.”

Kihyun pinched the bridge of his nose. “Minhyuk--”

“This kid is cute, persistent, doesn’t pay attention in English, but most importantly, most miraculously, seemed to really like you. And that--” Minhyuk continued despite Kihyun’s spluttered protests (“He was drunk!”), giving his shoulder a borderline painful squeeze. “Is not an opportunity that you can afford to waste.’

“I really can’t stand you at the best of times.”

“Ask him out or I won’t be your bestie anymore,” Minhyuk pouted.

“Don’t give me even more incentive.”

Minhyuk gave his shoulder another squeeze which was more than enough thank you very much, to which Kihyun smacked his hand and hiked his backpack up his shoulders.

In a moment of uncertainty, a trickle of doubt eroded Kihyun’s senses, and he asked his bane of a best friend, “What would you say? If you were to ask someone out. Like this.”

Minhyuk sighed wistfully, mouth quirked up in a mischievous grin. “ _The stars might be in my eyes, but the real fire is burning in my loi_ \--”

Kihyun smacked Minhyuk so hard on the arm he had to stop.

“Go trip on a brick,” Kihyun said, turning to the library and taking every step leading there there with enough force to reckon that he and gravity didn’t get along too well.

“Love you, too!”

Kihyun opened the door, and swayed with an immediate, dizzying feeling like going upside down on a rollercoaster. He steadied himself against the wall, blinking and shivering in the cold breeze. Which—

 _What the fuck_.

Kihyun spun around, to see a door he most certainly hadn’t just walked through.

“What the fuck?!”

“Don’t freak out!”

Kihyun spun around again, incredibly freaked out, despite the warning. It didn’t help that behind the source of the voice (a baby-faced boy, who Kihyun could _swear_ he knew from somewhere) was a coffee shop Kihyun had never seen before in his life.

“The hell do you mean don’t freak out?!”

“To kind of not do what you’re doing right now,” the boy smiled patiently, but tense, hand held in the air between them. “Come on, take a breath.”

Kihyun had to, what with his head swimming with the fact that he most definitely had been holding his breath. He wasn’t going to freak out. He looked outside the window and almost yelled.

_Almost._

Instead, he hid behind his hands, looking at the boy with wide eyes.

“It’s snowing.”

“I know.”

“It’s _September_.”

The boy smiled. “I know.”

Kihyun looked at the window again, frosted over with snow collecting in the frame.

“Where’d the library go?”

The boy laughed and Kihyun turned to glare at him. Even when he was completely out of his depth, he didn’t appreciate being laughed at. The boy cleared his throat.

“The library didn’t go anywhere. I just borrowed you for a moment.”

“You—” Kihyun spluttered. “You can’t just _borrow_ me I’m not—I’m not a fucking rent-a-student—”

“I know. I’m sorry.” The boy gestured to a nearby table. “Sit down? I’ll explain, I swear.”

Kihyun deliberated, chewing on his lip. God knows he needed an explanation. And, admittedly, to sit down.

He slid into the seat, taking the opportunity once seated to properly look around for the first time. Kihyun didn’t have a running tab, of course, of the coffee shops he’d visited in his life, but this place was especially unfamiliar. He took in the people, the language he heard around him. There was a flag behind the counter.

Kihyun swallowed, aware that he was about to say something completely impossible. “We’re in America.”

The boy nodded opposite him. “We’re in America.”

“I—” Kihyun looked back at him, slipping the backpack off to rest beside him. His mind was swimming at the same time as it was paused on the idea of a figure swimming. Was this was shock felt like? “I know you, don’t I? We’ve met.”

He smiled. “Last night. But I didn’t properly introduce myself, though, so I don’t blame you.”

Kihyun frowned. “You—you were with that kid, the drunk one that—” Kihyun blushed and cleared his throat, shifting in the plastic, puffy red seat. “Anyway, you were with him, and Wonho, and whoever else there was.”

“Yep. Destiny. Lee Jooheon. Whichever you prefer.” Jooheon gave a mock salute. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Kihyun blinked. “Finally?”

“Yeah, shit, sorry.” Jooheon frowned, scratching at the back of his head. “I’ve kinda known you—well, known about you—since you were born.”

Kihyun laughed. A full-bellied, high pitched laugh that made a few patrons turn their head. Kihyun smacked his hand against the table with a wheeze. Jooheon looked at him.

“Did I break you?”

“ _Since you were born_ —” Kihyun wheezed, taking a deep breath and smacking at his cheek. “Wow, this fever dream is having a field day thinking you’re old enough to even have been alive when I was born.”

Jooheon pouted. “No fair, even just physically, I’m like two years younger than you.”

“ _Even just physically_ —” Kihyun wiped at his eyes. “Oh, man, what the hell did I eat this morning.”

“Cheerios, now listen to me, would you—”

“Now see of course my imagination would know I had fucking _cheerios_ —”

“And so do I, now if you could please—“ Jooheon cut himself off, eyes widening and Kihyun turned to look why, when he grabbed him by the wrist and Kihyun startled.

“You’ve already _kidnapped_ me, there’s no need to manhandle me as well—”

“Kihyun. I need you to be calm.”

Kihyun blinked. “Calm? You want me to be calm?”

Jooheon groaned. “Please don’t get pissy right now—”

“Pissy!? I’m in _America, Jooheon_ —”

“Please just… Look. And don’t interfere. And don’t freak out.”

“Look at what?” Kihyun snapped, and then he heard it. Loud, lilted Korean in an American coffee shop. His mum’s voice.

The wound that had scabbed over tore, and Kihyun could feel himself bleed. He felt himself shake, and Jooheon’s grip tighten. He looked around, lifting his hand to his mouth and he could feel the tears on his face but his mother was right there.

“How is this possible?”

And then he remembered. When he was twelve, just before everything went wrong, his father had taken them with him on a business trip to America. This… This was Boston. He’d been here before. He’d come here with his mother.

Kihyun slowly let his hand fall. “I don’t—Jooheon, I don’t want this—I don’t care, I don’t know if I’m just pleading with my own subconscious but please, _please_ , I can’t—”

Jooheon gripped at his hand, said, “I’m sorry, Kihyun,” and did naught else.

“Kihyunnie!” his mother called and Kihyun looked around to see himself, twelve years old, chubby and hair cut like a bowl upside down, run into his mother’s arms. Kihyun wiped desperately at his tears, so he would see better, so he could see if his mother really looked like how he remembered. He smiled a little, because of course she did.

“Where did you go, sweetie?”

“There’s a boy!” His younger self hopped in place. “He’s Korean, too, but I don’t think he understands it really well but I said hello and he said it back come look come look—"

His mother sighed and smiled and followed him as he ran, to a table where a boy sat, small, probably about nine or ten, with a colourful reading book, a notebook and a pen. The boy looked up, smiling widely and waving.  Kihyun’s younger self greeted him in Korean, and the boy said it back and Kihyun saw himself tug at his mother’s arm and grin.

Kihyun’s mother frowned and asked the boy, in Korean first before switching to English, “Are your parents here?”

The boy nodded, gesturing over to a woman speaking on the phone behind the counter, and a man handing over a take-away drink. Kihyun’s mother smiled and ducked down, eye-level with her son.

“Do you wanna stay here for a bit, Kihyunnie?” He nodded and she ruffled his hair. “Alright, dear. I’ll get you something hot to drink. Don’t wander off, okay?”

“Why,” Kihyun started, looking away from where his younger self sat down next to the boy and grabbed his pen and notebook. “Why are we here? I don’t…”

“Do you want to take a guess who that boy is?”

Kihyun directed his frown at Jooheon. “How the hell am I supposed to remember? This was—hell, this was ages ago.”

Jooheon sighed, rubbing at his temples. “Well, yes, _but_ , I was asking you who you think he is. Not who you remember him to be.”

Kihyun scoffed. “So, what, with time travel comes asking questions you know I can’t answer?”

“Please just answer the question.”

“I don’t know!” Kihyun burst out and shrugged, eyes skitting around the shop and lowering his voice. “I don’t know, okay, I don’t even know how any of this is possible.”

Jooheon chewed on his lip, finally letting Kihyun’s wrists go and wiping his hands, palm down, on his jeans. “This was supposed to work. This meeting, I mean. You two were supposed to meet and your father was supposed to get the job he came here for and—hell, you two were gonna grow up together. We thought that might have made things… I don’t know, nicer? Easier? You’d have been stronger, I know that.”

“What the _hell_ ,” Kihyun asked, headache skirting around the edges of his brain. “Are you talking about?”

“That boy over there is your soulmate.”

Kihyun pulled back, tonguing at the inside of his cheek. “Are you enjoying this?”

“Moderately, but I don’t understand the question.”

“Fucking with me,” Kihyun snapped. “Is it fun for you?”

Jooheon sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “God, Kihyun, okay, I _promise_ I’m not fucking with you.”

“Sounds suspiciously—”

“Like something someone who is fucking with you would say, I am aware.”

Kihyun bristled, and looked over to the small boys sitting by a table, scribbling on a piece of paper. Kihyun tried to remember what they did. Kihyun thought—and he could be wrong—that he’d been trying to teach the kid the Korean alphabet.

“Fine. He’s my soulmate. Big whoop, he’s in America, my dad didn’t get the job, we didn’t grow up together. Is this your way of asking permission? To go back and change things?”

“No,” Jooheon said gently. “This is me trying to… make you understand something.”

“Understand what?”

“Soulmates. They don’t happen. It’s not a thing.”

Kihyun blinked evenly. “You literally just told me I have one.”

“Yes. You have one,” Jooheon pointed at him. “He has one.” He pointed at the boy. “Well done, now you are fully caught up on who in the world has a soulmate.”

Kihyun let out a breath. There was a heavy sort of feeling sitting in his stomach. His eyes still stung with the thought of his long dead mother being here, in reach, and he wasn’t sure if being displaced in space and time would cause a stomach ache, but he definitely had one. Coupled with sweaty palms, and probably what would only amount to be an incredibly vivid hallucination.

“Why,” Kihyun breathed, trying to remember how to. He shook his head and Jooheon frowned. “Who. I mean--I meant ‘who’.”

Jooheon smirked, knowingly. It made Kihyun’s gut turn in on itself like a frightened hedgehog.

“Who do you think?”

Kihyun gaped. Words were an abstract concept, not something he could reach easily, but his tongue tied itself into knots trying and his mouth opened and closed. “I--”

Jooheon laughed. “Okay, let’s try this,” he gestured to himself, “I say soulmate, you say--”

“Changkyun.”

Kihyun’s hands shot up to cover his mouth. The first word he could find and it _betrayed him like this_ . His stomach twisted and turned like it was trying to settle, nest in uneasiness, as Kihyun tried to think about where the _hell_ that had just come from. But Jooheon was smiling so widely his cheeks took precedence over his eyes.

"Changkyun's my soulmate?" Kihyun asked, and Jooheon nodded, smiling kindly. Kihyun's hands fell to his lap and he looked at the two children laughing at a table. Some part of him wanted to go over there, tell himself to say goodbye properly before it's too late. Kihyun's eyes find his mother and he looked away at the sharp stab in his chest. "What does that mean?"

Jooheon frowned. "Mean?"

Kihyun nodded, watching as he from ten years ago shows Changkyun how to form characters. "What does it mean? You said we were the only ones."

"Yes," Jooheon nodded carefully. "You are. As for meaning, it doesn't really stretch further than 'hey, aren't ya glad you have a soulmate? you know."

"No," Kihyun swallowed. "There's more to it but you don't wanna tell me."

Jooheon said nothing.

Kihyun's mother neared the kids' table with two hot chocolates in hand and Kihyun looked away.

"I want to go back," Kihyun announced, looking down and trying to remember how to use his legs. He felt numb. Like he'd been electrocuted and hadn't even noticed. A soulmate. Him. Of all people.

"Kihyun," Jooheon said delicately and Kihyun tried not to resent it. "I'll take you back, but please, you have to promise me something." Jooheon paused, looking down at his hands. They were clamped together, pale with tension. "But I'm not even sure what... that is."

Kihyun laughed humorlessly. "Wow, yeah, that helps."

"There is a reason I'm telling _you_ this, but I'm not even sure I--" Jooheon sighed. 

Kihyun frowned."Me. Telling  _me_. You're not telling Changkyun?"

"You want me to?"

"Don't--don't start, why are you telling me, why not him?"

"I don't need to," Jooheon said, voice even. "He's not the problem. I don't know what the problem  _is_ \--"

Kihyun paled, even as he leaned forward. "I knew it. There's something wrong, so just  _tell_ me--"

"It's you."

Kihyun stopped in the middle of a word. His back hit the back of his chair before he even knew he'd fallen back. "I'm the problem."

Jooheon sighed again, looking around, looking at Changkyun giggling at the bit of foam stuck on the lip of Kihyun's younger self. "Don't ask me what that means. Everything comes back to you. Like a--" Jooheon gestured at the air around him. "--Broken conduit. I don't know. It just stops with you."

Kihyun let go from where he was gripping the table so hard it hurt. He remembered being pulled--physically, yes, he'd been pulled down onto a wall near a rosebush and next to a drunk, endearing, beautiful boy. But more than that. He'd been pulled outside by a feeling. Pulled into Changkyun's orbit so completely and it--

It scared him to death.

"It starts with him," Jooheon said, and somehow, Kihyun had known that already. "It starts with Changkyun, and stops with you."

Kihyun breathed, steadying, focusing on the scratches on the table in front of him. "I don't--why would it--"

"I don't know."

Kihyun breathed more, for a while, and Jooheon let him. Kihyun almost wanted to say thank you.

"What's the promise?" Kihyun finally asked, and Jooheon shrugged with a soft laugh.

"Don't let it? Everything I know, everything I've seen, it ends with you, so don't let it. I don't know why you're the thing. And I can't help you with it. But that boy over there?" Jooheon gestured, tipping his head to the right.

And Kihyun looked. Despite his brain screaming at him not to, he looked.

"That boy right there will love you more than anyone as ever loved anybody else. All I'm asking you to promise me, is that you'll let him, because if you do--" Jooheon let out a low whistle. "Well, you never know, but my gut's telling me you'll love him back even more."


End file.
